MartNick Monsters: History

My name is MartNick. I grew up and live in a suburb of Chicago. After working for many years I was ready to retire. I don't like the cold weather so I decided to find a way to spend the winters in Florida. I got into my RV and drove to Florida, looking for a small ten or twelve room motel on the Gulf of Mexico. Nothing fancy. Far from a big city. Not a tourist center. A place I could house visiting friends and relatives while making a few bucks off tourists on their way to fancier places.

I found what was just the place at a very, very, low price and decided to go look at it. Run down. Abandoned. But on the water and I could do some of the fixup work myself. I could also trade free lodging for fixup work from tradesmen cousins. The down payment was almost nothing. The weather was nice. So I spent the night there after I bought the place.

Then I found out why it was so cheap and abandoned. During my first night the winds banged the doors and windows. The winds howled and screamed. Or so I thought. I didn't get any sleep. The second night I thought I was halucinating, seeing and hearing what I will describe as monsters the size of monkeys. You all know the terrors I'm talking about. 

At sunrise, I drove into the town north of me to have breakfast at the local diner. My waitress said I looked terrible. So I told her about my nightmares. She just stared and laughed at me, and said everybody in town knew about the monsters at the motel and couldn't believe some sucker had bought the place. It had been sitting empty for years and would continue to stay empty because the monsters wouldn't go away.

That night the bad monsters came all night, screaming and surrounding me. As soon as they knew somebody was there, every bad monster for miles came running. Since I can barely see without my glasses and can barely hear without my hearing aids, I got through another night.

I bought a high-speed, infared video camera. The bad monsters were there day and night, but slept during the day. I got a loud sound system and programmable Christmas light display to fight back. Tried all different loud sound and color combinations. But nothing worked. I did plenty of research on the internet and found absolutely nothing that would help get rid of them. 

The next day, back at the diner, my regular waitress said that there had been bad monsters at other motels south along the Gulf. Those motels had been abandoned, fallen down years ago. I checked. Motels south of my place were long gone. But motels further north of me prospered. I wondered why.

I did more research. What do monsters eat? Where did monsters like to go? No research results to answer my questions. So I decided to do some experimenting. I had nothing to loose. I looked at the area to the north and south. Other areas to the south had bad monsters I could see during the day and night with my infared camera. They were sleeping during the day.

I checked into successful motels in the north. During the day and night I discovered monsters, but big monsters. They weren't the bad monsters to the south. But these monsters didn't look like my scary, wimpy, smaller monsters. They were much bigger, stronger, and healthier. Giant sized in comparison. Like gorillas. Could there be good and bad monsters? Athletic and weak monsters? What was going on?

Looking through the camera lense I said something about big monsters. I was shocked to hear them talk back. They were surprised that I could see them. They only became visible every so often. Only my high speed infared camera let me know monsters were there at all. And when they found out I could see them, they became visible for longer periods of time. 

Once they figured out we could talk, they wouldn't shut up. They speak the local language, English, and their own monster talk. All monsters stay invisible most of the time and can eat just about any fruit or vegetable. Local grocery stores with their garbage cans full of fruits and vegetables provide plenty of food everywhere in America.

Healthier, good monsters are bigger, stronger, and faster. So healthier, good monsters keep the annoying, bad monsters away from their areas. Healthier, good monsters are bigger, stronger, and faster because they spend all their time out of doors, running, jumping, and playing. Bad monsters never get any exercise because they are always indoors, sleeping, hiding under beds, in closets, everywhere. Healthier, good monsters seldom go indoors. They never need or want to. So they are bigger, gigantic.
 
Healthier, good monsters don't really care about people. They just kick bad monsters out of areas they feel like living in. There are healthier, good monsters and bad monsters all over the world. Bad monsters just scare people at night for fun. So I invited several good monsters to come to my motel and kick the bad monsters out of the area. All of a sudden I could sleep again.  

My grandchildren were being terrified by bad monsters at night. So I asked my healthier, good monsters if they would head north and scare the bad monsters away. They said sure, if I'd drive them in my RV, since they couldn't travel commercially. We drove north. My healthier, good monsters scared the bad monsters away from my grandkids' house. But we figured the bad monsters might come back. So one of the good monsters agreed to stay behind for a while to protect my grandkids.
 
Then my other grandchildren in different parts of the country heard about their cousins being protected and demanded their own healthier, good monsters. So we traveled to do that. But it took a lot of time and cost a lot of money. So we couldn't provide good monsters for everybody.
 
Then I had a idea. I created a short video of my good MartNick Joe and Sandy Monsters saying "kah lah boom MartNick, bah rah tah vah, nah mah boo". In monster talk that means that I am a good MartNick Monster, stop scaring my friends, or I will come back here and drag you out to the swamps. Parents, download and play the free warning video several times a day, and before bed. Have the kids learn to say the warning. At home, school, in a car, anytime you're kids are afraid. See if those video warnings get the job done. They should work, but not for every monster. There are some very bad monsters out there that aren't frightened by just a warning. Especially only monster sounds. Maybe they can't hear.

I went back home to Chicago for the summer. When I got back to Florida, the healthier, good monsters had left, but there were still no bad monsters. I asked the healthier, good monsters why the bad monsters hadn't returned to bother me when I returned, after all of us had been gone for the summer.

The healthier, good monsters told me that they, the healthier, good monsters smelled different than the bad monsters. They smell better because they spend a lot of time outdoors in the fresh air. They take baths. The healthier, good monster smell scares the bad monsters away. And continues to scare the bad monsters away. At least until the rain washes the healthier, good monster smell away.

I thought about it and collected healthy, good monster sweat. I had chemists analyze the body odor (b-o). Synthesize it. Mass produce it. Put the b-o on stickers. I sent some of those stickers to friends suffering from bad monsters.  And do you know what? The bad monsters left and have stayed away for over a year.

Just peel, stick under beds, in closets, bathrooms, cars, bedrooms, daycare centers, backpacks. On water bottles, doors, windows, books, phones, PC's, id's. On shoe and bedroom slipper insoles. In wallets, folders, books, and hats. Everywhere you may find bad monsters. So when the bad monsters smell the giant, good monsters in the area, wherever you are, they will stay away from you.

Even though people can't seem to smell them, I sell smelly stickers for when the warning video sounds don't work. If the stickers and warning videos don't work, it maybe that the bad monsters can't hear and smell. Or the good monster smell has worn off. Or the bad monsters have begun to disregard the good monster smell.

We distribute a free coloring book with the original 18 MartNick Monsters and MartNick. Only a friendly outline is shown so we don't scare little children. Your kid can use different colors to color different good MartNick Monsters, since they can change color, shape, and size. You see the names I gave them. But kids can name them whatever they want, because none of us can pronounce the monster names in monster talk.

We also distribute a free, 8.5x11" book of posters. Print out as many copies as you want and tape them everywhere.

The best way to see if playing good monster video warnings and/or having healthy monster smells in the house is keeping bad monsters out of your house, specifically in your kid's bedroom at night, is to take a flashlight for a few nights, and check for any monsters under the bed or in the closet. 

There are a lot of bad monsters out there, some really tough ones, not easily threatened. There are probably very bad monsters who can't hear and smell. When we hear about the very, very bad ones, we send one or more of our 18 healthier, good MartNick Monsters in RV's to get rid of them. Make interventions. Here in America, and eventually to all around the world. We use the money we make selling intervention videos, stickers, fabric transfers, and dolls to pay for expenses.

Maybe one day, once a week, every week, or even daily, just to show you how very, very bad monsters can be, we will post the body camera videos those 18 healthier, good MartNick monsters make when they have to drag those very, very bad monsters back to the boonies.


Copyright (C) 2024 by Joseph Martyniuk Jr.